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8 Steps to Living Peaceably With Your Unsaved Husband – Pull Up A Chair

1. Don’t look for a way out of this marriage. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. (1Co 7:12)

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (1Co 7:13)

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. (Eph 2:10)

Ask the Lord to reveal to you how HE wants you to act so He can complete His task through your current situation.

2. Be practical. Is it practical to think that your dh will act like a Christian? Do you expect your dh to get saved right now? And he said unto them, It is not for you to know the times or the seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power. (Act 1:7)

Rest in this … God is at work in your dh’s life as He promised.

Behold ye among the heathen, and regard, and wonder marvellously: for I will work a work in your days, which ye will not believe, though it be told you. (Hab 1:5)

3. Do you remember why you are married? Do you wonder why God allowed you to become a Christian while you were married to an unbeliever? For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (1Co 7:14)

The word sanctify means “set apart.” Your husband will receive extra opportunities to witness God’s grace and mercy. Another reason to stay married to your dh is for the children. This same verse says children living with a Christian parent are holy rather than unclean. Therefore, remember that your presence in their lives is of great influence.

4. Concentrate on your behavior. You MUST walk the walk and forget the talk. Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity. (1Ti 4:12)

You need to be salt and light in your home. Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. (Mat 5:13)

Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. (Mat 5:14)

Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. (Mat 5:15)

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. (Mat 5:16)

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (1Pe 3:1)

While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (1Pe 3:2)

Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men: (2Co 3:2)

Your life may be the only Bible your dh or children will ever read.

Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; (Phi 1:27)

5. Share your faith. There does come a time when you CAN share your faith but remember to do so “without the word” (1 Pet. 3:1). There are two very appropriate situations when you can verbally witness to your dh:

(1) DH may notice something in your life (an attitude or behavior that glorifies the Lord) and he’ll tell you how much he appreciates you. At this moment, remind him that this was not the way you were before coming to Christ. Explain to him how much better your marriage would be if you could share these changes together.

(2) Wait until your dh is struggling with the emptiness in his life or is experiencing difficulty in a relationship with another person. Remind him that you once felt the same way, and this is why you surrendered your life to Christ.

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it! (Pro 15:23)

The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary: he wakeneth morning by morning, he wakeneth mine ear to hear as the learned. (Isa 50:4)

6. Don’t hate your dh. If he continues to resist your words and rejects Christ, be VERY careful not to become resentful or angry toward him. And the LORD said unto Samuel, Hearken unto the voice of the people in all that they say unto thee: for they have not rejected thee, but they have rejected me, that I should not reign over them. (1Sa 8:7)

He that heareth you heareth me; and he that despiseth you despiseth me; and he that despiseth me despiseth him that sent me. (Luk 10:16)

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them. (2Co 4:4)

Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots. (Luk 23:34)

Therefore, give your dh a little consideration based on your knowledge of his lost condition. Give him some space and patience, and pray that God will open his eyes.

7. Pray. Prayer is your greatest tool in the struggle to keep your unequally yoked marriage going. Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. (Jam 5:16)

Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. (Luk 10:19)

Pray without ceasing. (1Th 5:17)

8. Never give up!

Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD. (Psa 27:14)

Kate Plourde
April 21, 2006


  1. I needed this today because sometimes it is so hard to stay focused on the Lord when all around you is your loved ones making fun of you about being a Christian. In my “me me me” state of mind I have not given all to the Lord concerning my marriage and I have tried to control situations. Today I will step back and watch the Lord work for he has reminded me through the scripture you have written that he called me on his timing and he will call my husband too I just have to wait. Thank the Lord for his teachings that we may see his Glory be made whole. I may not be able to witness here at home for a season but I will allow the Lord to send me visiting with my church family so that I can tell people about Jesus.

  2. Thank you for writing, Tina!!! If you ever need to contact me, please feel free to email me at k8plourde @ (no spaces – I inserted them to prevent spam). It’s always a help when you have someone else who is going through the same thing you are. It’s not easy to be married to an unbeliever but with God’s grace, it’s doable!!! Philippians 4:13 🙂 God bless you, dear sister!!!

  3. God never wanted us to marry unbelievers. He told us not to. When he told us to stay with them, that was talking about people who were married before becoming a believer. Not a believer who did not listen to God and picked their own mate. And how do you define if they are pleased to dwell with you. Telling me that they don’t care if I die or not, seems to me like they don’t want to live with me. After almost 11 years, I am tired of long suffering. I am tired of trying to be kind to someone who one minute acts like I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and the next hates my guts. I am tired of weekends. I get to look forward to someone being mad at me and threatening me with divorce. My kids don’t deserve that. No one deserves that. I had a verbally abusive father and my husband is too. I feel more at peace with the idea of seperating so that God can work on him, I can have a break from the abuse so I can actually get healed, and he can see what it is like without me there every minute. I long for mondays. I can’t stand the weekends.

  4. Thank you for stopping by, Nicole. You’re right – God does NOT want us to marry unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14). However, God doesn’t want us to lie either but believers do lie. As with any other sin, marrying an unbeliever is also forgivable (1 John 1:9). One must admit the sin, confess it and repent for rebelling against God.

    You are incorrect in your statement about what God meant when he said that staying with our spouse was directed to those married to unbelievers only. Paul explains in 1 Cor. 7:13 what is expected of the one who is married to an unbeliever. However, to those couples who are both believers, the Word says: 1 Cor. 7:10-11 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband: 11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

    As for the abusive relationship, that’s a situation that you must decide for yourself. Your comment reveals you are very bitter toward your husband. You may have every right to be but maybe that bitterness may be directed toward your husband (Prov. 21:9) and he may be reacting to it. What is in our heart will come out of our mouth. (Matt. 12:34) When a believer marries an unbeliever out of disobedience to God, God will allow problems and trials in that marriage as a form of “spanking” the believer to draw him/her to repentance. The believer must confess the sin of disobedience and repent. God can and will help that believer through these trials and give strength. God can heal a broken marriage for He healed mine. But if that believer is unrepentant and just continues without admitting it was a sin to marry an unbeliever, the trials will get more severe. God’s goal is to “spank” His child until His child learns his/her lesson.

    When the unbelieving spouse is physically abusive, then it’s time to leave so one can be safe. It is your responsibility to protect your children as well. Encouraging the husband to go to Christian counseling. The goal should always be to part for a time and to reach reconciliation. (2 Cor. 5:19) You are not under bondage to stay in an abusive situation. Being separated is not a sin when you’re protecting yourself and your children.

    Emotional abuse IS difficult. I’ve been through that and it is not easy. I can remember not wanting the weekend to come and longing for Mondays. But I drowned my sorrows at the Lord’s feet and I read the Book of Psalms over and over for emotional and spiritual support. I always believed in my heart that if the Lord didn’t want me to be with my husband, he would remove my husband. As I leaned on Him more and more, He helped me. (Psalm 116:6) 1 Peter 3:1-6 were verses that guided me and Psalms comforted me 🙂

    If you do decide to leave your husband for a time so you can heal from his emotional abuse, do so with the intention of reconciling later, as I wrote above. I will be praying for you!!!

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