I can hardly believe that August is upon us and our lives are still being driven by appointments! Surely there will be an end to these at some point, right? I suppose this is normal for Crohn’s patients, I really don’t know. I’ve often wondered if the symptoms will reappear in some other part of John’s body.  We were told that it can come back in the throat, esophagus, stomach or small intestine. I’ve prayed and prayed asking the Lord to keep this horrible illness at bay. I don’t want to worry or fret – I want to trust in the Lord and leave all these matters in His capable hands. That is what He wants us to do, isn’t it? Pro 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Where are you in your journey, caregiver? Are you exhausted – have you reached the end of your rope? Remember the One who loves you and cares for each of your needs. Yes, the Lord cares for your patient, but He cares for you as well. If you don’t have a relationship with the Lord, please look on my blog under the Salvation tab and read what the Scriptures have to say.

The next appointment on our calendar was to have a Doppler ultrasound done on John’s leg to see how the clot was doing. A regular ultrasound cannot see the blood flow but the Doppler can. So a Doppler was done on August 1st.  It would be nearly three weeks before we would get those results. So on August 20th, we met with him and he explained how the clot appeared in the Doppler. I learned that a clot does not dissipate from the outside in but from the inside out. The only part of the clot that remained was a little bit on the top and bottom.  This was good news. The hematologist said that John could never be on blood thinners again because of all the radiation he had during and since his battle with colon cancer in 2008. The radiation caused damage to the blood vessels on one side of his bladder and this is where the bleeding was coming from.

Our next step would be to have the IVC filter removed from his groin. Our UVA surgeon authorized us to have it removed at a local hospital so we made plans to do so on September 9th. That procedure did not go as planned, unfortunately. As usual, my husband’s body always seems to have a mind of its own. The filter was lodged sideways and could not be removed as that hospital did not provide the tools necessary for a job as intricate as this. John would have to go back to UVA to have the procedure done. Of course we were disappointed to say the least. That meant yet another appointment and more waiting.

Reader, you are now caught up to the current day of John’s journey, and mine as well. We have an appointment scheduled for November 5th to consult with the surgeon who will perform the filter removal on the following day. They will do yet another Doppler to make sure they have the latest information and prayerfully that procedure will be a success this time. Psalm 143:8 is yet another verse that helps me to trust in the Lord because there’s not a single thing that I can do to help this procedure along. 

Whatever happens is God’s perfect plan. God does want for us to suffer nor does He want us to worry about what happens next, amen? What the Lord wants is to trust Him in all things. My heart wants comfort and peace despite the circumstances before my eyes. This trial has drawn me to His side and, like a child, I look up to my Heavenly Father with trust in my heart. I know that this illness is a small thing to the Creator of all things. My God knows the names of every star in the universe and He cares for the birds – surely John and I are of more importance to Him! Matt 6:26  Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? 

Where are you right now, caregiver? Where’s your heart? Is it fearing what’s in store for the future? Are you doubting God’s abilities? Not an ounce of worrying will prevent what is to come. It takes great energy to worry and the results can be damaging to your mind and body. You will make yourself physically sick as well as become resentful toward your patient. None of this is worth it. It is much easier to trust in the Lord and let Him guide you through this. 

One of my favorite hymns is “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”! Please take a moment to read it – maybe even listen to it on YouTube. Let the words minister to your heart <3

1. O soul, are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness you see?
There’s light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

2. Through death into life everlasting
He passed, and we follow Him there;
O’er us sin no more hath dominion—
For more than conqu’rors we are!

3. His Word shall not fail you—He promised;
Believe Him, and all will be well:
Then go to a world that is dying,
His perfect salvation to tell!

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