REPROOF OF GOOD MEN
(Friday Church News Notes, December 7, 2012, www.wayoflife.org, firstname.lastname@example.org, 866-295-4143) – Where did we get the idea that no warnings should be given in regard to good men and churches? That is one of the vain and unscriptural traditions that IFBaptists have inherited from their forefathers. All such reproof of good men is considered mean-spirited and divisive and wrong-headed, but Jesus reproved the good church at Ephesus for the very reason that He loved it and wanted to see it prosper and not be destroyed (Revelation 2:4-5).
Paul reproved the good preacher Peter because he loved Christ and the truth and didn’t want to see hypocrisy destroy the work of God (Galatians 2:11-14). The prophet Jehu reproved the good king Jehoshaphat for his compromise because God commanded him to do so and the prophet feared God more than man (2 Chron. 19:2). The Psalmist said, Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head… (Psa. 141:5).
THE DANGER OF ADAPTING CCM – GARLOCK’S WARNING (Friday Church News Notes, April 15, 2011, www.wayoflife.org, 866-295-4143) -
Many independent Baptist churches that still have any sort of conviction against CCM are adapting it by using the words while toning down the rhythm. They are trying to take the rock out of Christian rock. They think they can tame the beast and turn Charismatic praise music into fundamentalist praise music. This results in the gradual acceptance of and increasing use of CCM, the gradual allowance for sensual rhythms, a continual pushing of the boundaries.
Many discerning men have issued warnings about this slippery slope, including Frank Garlock. IF A CHURCH STARTS USING CCM IT WILL EVENTUALLY LOSE ALL OTHER STANDARDS. You need to draw a line concerning your music (Garlock, Bob Jones University chapel, March 12, 2001).
Dr. Garlock has been instructing churches about the danger of using the world’s music for many decades. He has a doctorate from BJU and has taken every graduate course in music offered by the celebrated Eastman School of Music in Rochester, New York, sitting under Howard Hanson.
Garloc’s first book was The Big Beat in 1971, which warned about the danger of rock & roll at a time when I was living the rock & roll lifestyle to the hilt. In 1973, Dr. Garlock published the Symphony of Life seminar on video, and it had a wide and godly influence. That was the year that God in His great mercy saved me and changed my taste both in lifestyle and music. I turned 24 that year, and a few months later I published the first of my own books warning of the dangers of rock. It was titled Mom and Dad Sleep While the Children Rock in Satan’s Cradle.
Notice in the previous quote that Dr. Garlock is dogmatic, saying that if a church starts using CCM it will eventually lose all other standards, and he doesn’t allow for any exceptions. He doesn’t say that there is a way to adapt CCM to avoid this slide.
MY CROWD (Friday Church News Notes, May 13 2011, www.wayoflife.org email@example.com, 866-295-4143)
As for fellowship and association, I want a crowd today that is willing to raise the flag against compromise and apostasy high without hesitation — publicly, clearly, being willing to name the names of those who are leading in the compromise –without speaking out of both sides of the mouth, without facing two ways. I want a crowd that doesn’t just give lip service to the fact of growing compromise among IB churches but that warns plainly of such compromise and distances themselves from it in real, practical ways.
I want a crowd that not only preaches against Christian rock but also doesn’t hold hands with those who use it. I want a crowd that really hates the quick prayerism that has given multitudes of unconverted hell-bound sinners assurance of salvation and wants to distance themselves from those who practice it, not making excuses for it and not giving mere lip service to the importance of repentance.
I want a crowd that knows that Jack Hyles built a man-centered cult and not a New Testament church, a crowd that plainly, unhesitatingly, publicly exposes Jerry Falwell for the dangerous compromiser that he was instead of speaking sympathetically of him and only haltingly, vaguely mentioning his errors. I want a crowd that wouldn’t dream of sending staff members to Saddleback conferences or youth groups to Dollywood.
I want a crowd that understands that the very essence of New Evangelicalism is trimming one’s message down to the essentials for the sake of any sort of broader unity or fellowship, even for evangelism and world missions.
I want a crowd where a serious teaching-warning ministry like Way of Life is welcome and appreciated. Yes, I want a crowd that doesn’t take cheap shots at warning ministries. And I thank the Lord that there is still a crowd like this among IBaptists, though it is definitely in the minority.
Theological dinosaur fossils discovered in Canberra Seminary
“A complete fossil skeleton has been unearthed at Unity Theological Seminary in Canberra,” The Rev. Dr. Ms. Barbarous Theorem commented to the press, “This is the most exciting discovery in the history of the Seminary. We have cause to believe this is the first complete skeleton of Pulpitosaurus Extinctus ever to be found. She identified the excavation site as being beneath the Seminary chapel platform. The chapel, sealed up for almost fifty years, was opened only recently for research purposes.”
After reading the above article, Mr. Steadfast, reporter for The Pilgrim Way, requested an interview with Ms. Theorem, and we print the following:
PW: “Ms. Theorem, can you give our readers any details as to the site where Pulpitosaurus Extinctus was found?”
MT: “Yes, but I should fill you in on the background first. We have an excellent history professor at the Seminary named Dr. Revision. He and some of his post grad students have been wanting to have a look in the old chapel for a couple of years. When permission was granted recently, they went right to work. He consulted me, and asked where he would most likely find remains of a theological dinosaur if there were any to be found. I told him that I had read in the Seminary archives that the chapel platform had been their domain, and would be a good place them to begin.”
PW: “What do you mean by ‘their domain’?”
MT: “Hmmm. I see I’m going to have to tell you about the early days of the Seminary. It was not always as broadminded as you see it at present. Many years ago it was a training college for the Baptist ministry. The founders were all Pulpitosaurus Extinctii — real living fossils, theological dinosaurs. We call it ‘The Dark Ages’. They were stuck in the swamps of primitive methods, old fashioned doctrines, and fire and brimstone preaching. Thank goodness, those days are gone forever. We are much more enlightened now. For instance, take the Feminar (Feminism Seminar) recently held here at the Seminary. We had almost 2000 women ministers, we dedicated the new meditation centre to Sophia, the goddess of wisdom, and had tremendous media coverage. I was privileged to chair the meetings that met to discuss re-imaging God, and to promote the new Politically Correct Bible Version (PCBV).”
PW: “I see. But I still don’t understand about the chapel platform being the domain of Pulpitosaurus.”
MT: “You men are all so dense. Didn’t you understand what I just told you about the incredibly old fashioned beliefs of those relics of a bygone age? They used to stand on the chapel platform and roar at the poor helpless students. They actually thought the Bible was true. They believed in all those hopelessly outdated theories of inspiration, atonement, forgiveness, holiness, heaven and hell, etc. And they didn’t just keep it to themselves. They tried to get everyone else to believe it as well! And they used the platform in the chapel to actually shout their beliefs at their hearers. That’s why we describe it as being their domain. Is that simple enough for you?”
PW: “Yes, I understand it better than you think. Can you describe the Pulpitosaurus to our readers? The artist’s sketches don’t give much detail.”
MT: “Gladly. The head of our Evolution Department, Dr. Darwin Huxley, has written several books on Pulpitosaurus. He says he believes this species had the largest backbone of any dinosaur, and that it had only three vertebrae, making it almost impossible for it to bend. It also had a really large chest cavity. Some of his colleagues think that indicates it had a very large heart. Others are of the opinion it had four lungs instead. The neck structure was such that it probably had a very efficient voice box and could project its cries for great distances. The capacity of the skull, according to Dr. Huxley, was quite small, leaving hardly any space for a brain. And he said one specimen even had a piece of very thick skin still attached.”
PW: “Thank you for that interesting description. The old fossil must have been quite an impressive sight. Can you tell us about the subspecies that have been discovered?”
MT: “We are still collating much of the information that has been sent to us, but I can tell you about three subspecies of Pulpitosaurus we have identified so far. “The earliest relative was called Pulpitosaurus Apostolos. It had the longest legs of any theological dinosaur we have discovered, and covered great distances quickly, leaving offspring everywhere, Fossil remains of Apostolos have been found in the Himalayas, the Indus Valley, the Andes, Siberia, the Aleutian Islands and the Australian deserts.”
PW: “Very interesting! What was the second subspecies?”
MT: “Actually the second and third subspecies seem to have developed simultaneously as offspring of Apostolos. The type most common seems to have been Pulpitosaurus Pastorus, He was amazingly prolific. Some nest sites discovered indicate the Pastorus may have cared for hundreds, even thousands of offspring at times. This species exerted such a great influence on their environment that whole primitive cultures were altered.”
PW: “Amazing! And what about the third subspecies?”
MT: “This is the one that gives me nightmares! When reports first began to come in on this old fossil, we didn’t know what to call it. We finally decided on Pulpitosaurus Evangelisticus. It had really sharp teeth, its voice box was the largest of all and its backbone had no vertebrae at all! Some researchers believe it was capable of breathing fire, and it was good at stirring the nests ruled over by the Pastorus. Amazingly, its visits to the nesting sites appear to have resulted in a great increase in the number of eggs that hatched out into Evangelisticuses and Pastoruses.”
PW: “I wonder if you could tell our readers why the Pulpitosaurus became extinct?”
MT: “Most of our faculty hold the view that it was simply unable to evolve. It couldn’t keep up with the changes happening all around it. One of our faculty members, Dr. Maverick, thinks it died out because it changed its diet from meat to milk. He thinks the latest specimens show symptoms of malnourishment and vitamin deficiency.”
PW: “What creatures replaced them?”
MT: “Our research indicates the next step up the evolutionary ladder was much more sophisticated. Thankfully, it did not have a backbone at all, or teeth, or a thick hide. It didn’t breathe fire or produce fear in others’ hearts. Rather, it moved with the tide, adapted to its culture easily, and preferred lukewarm conditions….”
PW: “Pardon me for interrupting, but what you are describing sounds awfully like a jellyfish….”
MT: “You might say that. It has nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Evangellyfish … Hmm, I think that might be the very name. It conveys the thought of softness, conforming, drifting with the wind and current. Quite a suitable name that is.”
PW: “I want to ask your opinion about this. From time to time we hear reports of living specimens of Pulpitosaurus Extinctus. Do you think it is possible that there may be some of these theological fossils still alive?”
MT: “Oh, no! Definitely not! Those are just unfounded rumours. People with small intellectual capacity will believe anything. Admittedly, some eggs were found recently in quite good condition. (Of course, the Board of Regents had them put in cold storage.) Pulpitosaurus Extinctus alive? It’s not possible … at least, I certainly hope not! Oh, my. that’s a horrible thought! Modern society couldn’t stand the shock. Dear, dear … surely not! Oh, my …”
PW: “We had some other questions to ask, but the Rev. Dr. Ms. Theorem became so distressed she had to take some Prozac and lie down. We will keep you informed as to any further developments.”
TheÂ article is by Pastor Buddy Smith <firstname.lastname@example.org>, Grace Baptist Church, Malanda, Queensland, Australia:
(Permission obtained by Buddy Smith to use this article.)